So, I'm still new at this married thing, I would say. And I think I can safely say that Nick and I have had a "testing" time pretty much since our wedding day. Not so much between the 2 of us, but life all around us. It's felt a bit like the storm that hit nashville tonight. Life will seem good for a few days, hopeful, good things on the horizon, than BAM, hail, rain, crappy weather hits. Then a beautiful sunset and it calms and we start to think a sunny day has come, then BAM. Yea, you get the picture. Its been ups and downs for the last couple of years.
I'm talking deaths in the family, jobs lost unexpectedly, friendships lost or strained, plans that seemed certain put on hold, loved ones battling cancer, living tight financially month to month, then a good couple months, then back to living tight. You know those times when disappointment becomes such a normalcy that you don't even realize you've stopped putting hope in anything because disappointment becomes like a bruise that just keeps getting hit, and gets more and more painful each time....
We're there.. I must say we've become pretty resilient. We've become a team. We have been there together for the 2 am phone call that my Mom had a heart attack, and for the momstly silent drive to go see her. For the news that a diagnosis isn't what we'd hoped it might be, for the bill times when we try to make the money stretch further than it will. And through it all, I am so blessed to have him. We have seen God's faithfulness. We wouldn't ask to live this way, but we've learned to expect God to provide, maybe just in time, maybe just enough, but He provides still. I can lay beside my best friend every night, knowing we'll make it, together. Friendships can be torn away from us, nothing in life is for sure and this roller coaster is crazy fun some days and then others, I find myself wetting his shirt with my tears as we fall asleep hoping that the crazy turns to beautiful soon.
One of my best friends is a songwriter/worship leader out in Jacksonville, Florida. She has taught me so much of what it means to be strong yet to stay gentle, to be resilient but to be willing to admit when she is tired. I have seen them go through so many phases, some amazing, some struggles, and I have found so much respect for the way she handles it all. Some phases I have wondered how she still found the faith to stick it out, but she did, and she does. She is a picture to me of a faithful child. I know that God looks down at her and knows she is true, she is with Him through the thick and thin, and sees the beauty and the strength of character developing in her through these years of unknown, of struggle, of the narrow road she's taken.
So one of those things I'm learning is the fierce loyalty I feel for my husband. For how he is treated, respected, or not. I've heard stories of the Mama bear thing Mom's have for their kids, and I almost think there's something similar for a wife and her husband. I think I'd make him a pretty amazing Publicist. I'm pretty sure I'm his biggest fan, or maybe equal to how his Mom sees him. I can feel my claws coming out like Wolveriness about to defend the man who has won her heart and gone out to battle for her, but just been hit on all sides. Too much. I find myself saying that lately...."it just feels like too much." You know, I think we all expect tough times in life, and we sort of brace ourselves for when it comes. But I think we're in a permanent state of bracing. We're talking serious knots in these shoulders. haha.
In another light, I have seen a side of the man I married I might not have known was there for years. He is strong and graciously handles each situation head-on. He handles conflict so much better than I do, and is genuinely a good man even when put to the test. I picked a good one.
Life has its turns. Sometimes they're gentle turns, sometimes it feels like an old wooden rollercoaster's turns...the ones that give you that whiplash feeling and bang your head into the sides of your head brace meant to protect you. But the turns are all leading us somewhere..
And I feel like a pretty lucky girl to be going somewhere, with my best friend...