Thursday, March 25, 2010

Crazy eventually turns to Beautiful

So, I'm still new at this married thing, I would say. And I think I can safely say that Nick and I have had a "testing" time pretty much since our wedding day. Not so much between the 2 of us, but life all around us. It's felt a bit like the storm that hit nashville tonight. Life will seem good for a few days, hopeful, good things on the horizon, than BAM, hail, rain, crappy weather hits. Then a beautiful sunset and it calms and we start to think a sunny day has come, then BAM. Yea, you get the picture. Its been ups and downs for the last couple of years.

I'm talking deaths in the family, jobs lost unexpectedly, friendships lost or strained, plans that seemed certain put on hold, loved ones battling cancer, living tight financially month to month, then a good couple months, then back to living tight. You know those times when disappointment becomes such a normalcy that you don't even realize you've stopped putting hope in anything because disappointment becomes like a bruise that just keeps getting hit, and gets more and more painful each time....

We're there.. I must say we've become pretty resilient. We've become a team. We have been there together for the 2 am phone call that my Mom had a heart attack, and for the momstly silent drive to go see her. For the news that a diagnosis isn't what we'd hoped it might be, for the bill times when we try to make the money stretch further than it will. And through it all, I am so blessed to have him. We have seen God's faithfulness. We wouldn't ask to live this way, but we've learned to expect God to provide, maybe just in time, maybe just enough, but He provides still. I can lay beside my best friend every night, knowing we'll make it, together. Friendships can be torn away from us, nothing in life is for sure and this roller coaster is crazy fun some days and then others, I find myself wetting his shirt with my tears as we fall asleep hoping that the crazy turns to beautiful soon.

One of my best friends is a songwriter/worship leader out in Jacksonville, Florida. She has taught me so much of what it means to be strong yet to stay gentle, to be resilient but to be willing to admit when she is tired. I have seen them go through so many phases, some amazing, some struggles, and I have found so much respect for the way she handles it all. Some phases I have wondered how she still found the faith to stick it out, but she did, and she does. She is a picture to me of a faithful child. I know that God looks down at her and knows she is true, she is with Him through the thick and thin, and sees the beauty and the strength of character developing in her through these years of unknown, of struggle, of the narrow road she's taken.

So one of those things I'm learning is the fierce loyalty I feel for my husband. For how he is treated, respected, or not. I've heard stories of the Mama bear thing Mom's have for their kids, and I almost think there's something similar for a wife and her husband. I think I'd make him a pretty amazing Publicist. I'm pretty sure I'm his biggest fan, or maybe equal to how his Mom sees him. I can feel my claws coming out like Wolveriness about to defend the man who has won her heart and gone out to battle for her, but just been hit on all sides. Too much. I find myself saying that lately...."it just feels like too much." You know, I think we all expect tough times in life, and we sort of brace ourselves for when it comes. But I think we're in a permanent state of bracing. We're talking serious knots in these shoulders. haha.

In another light, I have seen a side of the man I married I might not have known was there for years. He is strong and graciously handles each situation head-on. He handles conflict so much better than I do, and is genuinely a good man even when put to the test. I picked a good one.

Life has its turns. Sometimes they're gentle turns, sometimes it feels like an old wooden rollercoaster's turns...the ones that give you that whiplash feeling and bang your head into the sides of your head brace meant to protect you. But the turns are all leading us somewhere..

And I feel like a pretty lucky girl to be going somewhere, with my best friend...


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  2. FIRST!

    (repost, made a stupid typo)

    What? You're a rock star, you aren't rich? LOL!

    I *know* there's a mama bear thing there wives have for hubbys. And after 20 years, let me tell you it doesn't diminish a whit, nor is it worn down by kid-related mama bear stuff either. My hubs was a worship minister for a while, and oh the times I wanted to deck ppl for their criticism of them (I didn't, lol). Needless to say, I was not a sit-down-be-quiet minister's wife.

    I am enjoying your blog, LOVE your music. So glad there's rockin, meaningful stuff out there my girls can listen to and re-create instead of the Disney pablum fed to them. Keep on rockin, keep on following Him!

  3. I'm so glad to see that your tough times have brought you closer, when the opposite occurs so often. Throughout the {almost} 14 years that I've been married, we've had times of trouble (the loss of a parent, financial struggles, my husband's battle with cancer...), but God has also granted us times of peace. I pray that you will soon have a time of peace!

  4. Gem, thank you! I love being able to do what I do for a living and see it connect with people. Is Gem your real name?? That's amazing!!

  5. Tricia,

    This was a really good, honest blog. That takes courage.

    I'm 18 years old and have been listening to Superchick for about 7 years. Your words of encouragement have pulled me through some extremely dark, difficult times in my life and you have been a huge role model for me through all of my teen years.

    I think its amazing to read this and see how strong of a relationship you and Nick have. I know of so many young couples who are hit with a tiny problem and they crack under the pressure. Its so encouraging to see that the constant struggles have brought the two of you closer together.

    Obviously no couple is perfect, but you and Nick are a shining example for people my age of what a relationship should look like. I don't plan on getting married for a long, long time, but when I do, I pray that God brings me a marriage as strong and Christ-centered as yours.

    My favorite verse is John 14:27--Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you; Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

    Have peace and rest upon the fact that God will not bring you in to any situation that you cannot handle.

    Thank you again for being such an amazing role model in so many areas of life.


  6. This is beautiful and encouraging. If you'll allow me to ramble for a second...

    Over the past few years, my family has gone through some stuff, and this reminded me of some of it. Two years ago, my mom got pregnant again unexpectedly, and along with the pregnancy came a whole slew of complications. I can't spell the names of the conditions that my mom had the whole time, but it meant that my mom spent the first five months or so of her pregnancy on bedrest at home, and the last two in the hospital (baby was born exactly two months after she went in); my sister was delivered early (she came out exactly 5 lbs.); and as soon as the baby was out, they had to take out my mom's uterous (sp? :P) as well. They're both fine now, and my sister is a loud, happy, active toddler who gets into everything; but there's a lot of things that we still haven't healed from. And ever since all that happened, all we've had are struggles and struggles and struggles...

    Wow, I really did ramble. Sorry for talkign your ear (eyes?) off :P. Short version; this post reminded me of how I've felt a lot over the past few years (I used to say all the time that I never asked for any of this), and it's encouraging to remember that I'm not the only one who goes through insanity, and that God is always there for us :) Thank you.

    ~julie :)

  7. ps. your music happens to be amazing, and "Stand in the Rain" has always been particularly helpful ;) God bless, and rock on!! :D

  8. Tricia, you are legendary. You are a champion. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and message that its ok to feel and alright to show it too.

    Can't wait for your book. How long now?

  9. I blogged as Gem for a few years, so it's still my online name, but as I decided to just be transparent about most things in my life, my online persona and my IRL self have merged. My real name is Jema, not so far off!