We just had a weekend of 3 shows in 3 days. Thats optimal booking in good circumstances. It turned out to be a tough weekend. Why you ask? Well, it was a chicago show, an Oshkosh, WI show and then MI near Detroit. It seemed that bad weather chased us around. We took the van to save some money, so we were doing the driving ourselves each night, which is tough when youre 18, brutal when you're all a bit older. Haha. On top of drives though, we had quite a bit of snow, rain, freezing rain...just not safe conditions with a van and huge trailer. We did make each show thankfully, and made it home. With a few hitches and all pretty much exhausted. After our show saturday, we all trudged into a Tgifridays to have dinner before we took off. We were quite the sight! We were as tired as we were hungry..
My hubby was sick last week and I caught whatever bug it was the day we left for the weekend. So on top of all the blahs, I was feeling royally blah. Burning throat cold stuff. By the last show my voice was completely giving up. I would go for higher notes and it would just settle on something lower or not come out at all. So frustrating for a singer. Wanting to give my all vocally as much as connecting with the crowd is a big deal to me, so when I feel limited its tough. The crowd was a couple thousand girls, all ages, there for a girls conference. Crazy, loud, fun crowd...if you were there, thank you for being so great when I wasnt quite myself. :-)
So I know I've mentioned that I'll start giving some stories behind the songs and all, gearing up for my album release. I thought I'd start with the first song that is allready released on itunes on the compilation Now Hear This.
The song is called Lean. My husband, Nick and I wrote it with a writer/friend named Sarah Hart. When we sat down to write, my heart felt heavy. I was thinking of the tough years my husband and I had struggled through recently. I was thinking of people so dear to me who have had businesses fail, dreams seemed to be lost, disappointments for so long...and just barely holding on. Still wanting to say I believe there is a purpose for pain and struggle. I believe God is Who He says He is even when He seems distant. Even when I can't see Him coming to my rescue. So many thoughts went into this song. The idea of literally leaning on the cross. Just dragging yourself to the foot of the cross and laying it all there, crying out to God to give you the strength for the next step.
I grew up singing hymns...I love them! I love the reverance and the way they were written and sung. So I thought of the hymn, Leaning on the everlasting arms. One of my favorites. So the bridge of the song is some of that, with the melody changed just a bit.
"i will sing when there is no song, in the dark, Lord your light is strong.." you know even in the process of writing and recording this album I have had times when my heart felt broken, my spirit felt so heavy and hopeless, it was hard to choose to worship. To choose to write about God, when some days it really felt like He had disappeared. To believe I will understand one day and be okay not understanding right now, just trusting. To sing when there is no song. I feel like thats what this album is for me. Choosing to write songs of worship when my heart really wanted to say there was nothing to sing about. That I have been disapppointed for too long, in too many ways, that God hasnt come through when I needed Him. Oh but He is there. He is in the moments we dont choose to hear or feel Him. He is in the people around us who carry us through. He is in the sermon that is exactly what we needed to hear. He is in the song on the radio that makes us cry. We may not always understand how He is with us, or the ways He takes care of us. But like the air around us, He is constant and always there.
"your love is nothing less than a lamp unto my feet, so I can see.." its kind of a funny idea that brought this lyric to me..we have these stone steps in our yard that go to the backyard. When I take the pups outside I walk this path. We have lights in front and one in the backyard, but theres a spot where its prettty dark on the side..I've stepped on the stones enough times during the daylight that I remember the feeling enough to take each step in the dark. Some nights though, I still wonder if I'm about to slip off, twist an ankle or something. But my foot always finds the next step. (totally makes me think of that indiana jones moment when he has to take the step of faith on the invisible walkway..anyone with me??) each night I do it, I would think about faith and how so many times it feels like we are asked to take blind steps of faith and just trust that where our foot falls will be a safe place.
Much more to come...album releases june 7th. I will keep you posted on anything new until then!!
I am so excited to release this whole album to you! I would love your help in spreading the word. If you like my blogs or twitterings, please tell your friends to follow and tell them about the album.
Much love friends, I am off to rest for the night.