Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Nothing to submit..

Watch what you say. Watch what you ask for. I'll have to remember that next time. Here is a post I wrote on facebook a few days ago...

Today I saw God answer a prayer I prayed just on our way to church this morning. I love when I can fall asleep reminded that He is faithful to meet us when we take steps of faith towards Him. I could pray for no more struggles in life, but then I would fail to have moments where I see Him rescue me from them.

You see where this is going? haha. That particular day was a bit frustrating for me. Then, literally I prayed a prayer on the way to church and hours later there was this obvious way that God had answered it. Not completely, I will say. But God had brought hope to the situation and moved it in the right direction. Then I had to go and open my big mouth...

Needless to say, just yesterday a situation happened and it was as if God was saying, "well, you just said that whole thing about not praying away struggles".....darn it! I feel like the last few years have brought me quite a few moments that I wouldnt necessarily ask to live through again..but I have to stick to my guns on this one. I would rather life have its struggles and see God rescue me from the depths of my despair, wherever that might be, than to sail through life on my own, every detail seeming to work out perfectly, and forget how it feels to rest in the arms of a very faithful, merciful God.

Years ago I read this quote by Elisabeth Elliot. It resonated with me, and ended up in my little gold book( that's another blog)..

"If all struggles and sufferings were eliminated, the spirit would no more reach maturity than would the child. If the yearnings went away, what would we have to offer up to the lord? Arent they given to us to offer? How would we learn to submit to the authority of Christ if we had nothing to submit?"

I think that she was on a level in her faith that I have not reached and maybe never will. But I guess I would say I attain to feel this way. Some days I don't and I'm so worn out by life, that the last thing I want to hear from someone is that God has a plan and He always brings good from things and blah blah blah. Some days that sounds so trite and shallow. Is that sacrilegious of me to admit? I don't think so. I think its honest.

But I do know that I have seen times in my life that felt so bleak and hopeless that are turned into areas of strength and beauty..and maybe thats enough. Maybe I won't ever have all the answers and understand why life can be so painful one moment and make me breathless with joy the next..but if my faith can be just big enough that I can hold on, when it makes no sense, when I can't see God or feel Him around me...maybe thats the Journey. Or just the start of it.

1 comment:

  1. I just found your blog (through the latest Superchic[k] email), so I'm playing catch up! Thank you for your honesty in this post. I feel the same at times. I have a strong faith in God, but I definitely struggle with some bleakness in my struggles. I too would love to reach the level of Elisabeth Elliot's faith, especially with all that the went through!