Crazy eventually turns to Beautiful

So, I'm still new at this married thing, I would say. And I think I can safely say that Nick and I have had a "testing" time pretty much since our wedding day. Not so much between the 2 of us, but life all around us. It's felt a bit like the storm that hit nashville tonight. Life will seem good for a few days, hopeful, good things on the horizon, than BAM, hail, rain, crappy weather hits. Then a beautiful sunset and it calms and we start to think a sunny day has come, then BAM. Yea, you get the picture. Its been ups and downs for the last couple of years.


I'm talking deaths in the family, jobs lost unexpectedly, friendships lost or strained, plans that seemed certain put on hold, loved ones battling cancer, living tight financially month to month, then a good couple months, then back to living tight. You know those times when disappointment becomes such a normalcy that you don't even realize you've stopped putting hope in anything because disappointment becomes like a bruise that just keeps getting hit, and gets more and more painful each time....

We're there.. I must say we've become pretty resilient. We've become a team. We have been there together for the 2 am phone call that my Mom had a heart attack, and for the momstly silent drive to go see her. For the news that a diagnosis isn't what we'd hoped it might be, for the bill times when we try to make the money stretch further than it will. And through it all, I am so blessed to have him. We have seen God's faithfulness. We wouldn't ask to live this way, but we've learned to expect God to provide, maybe just in time, maybe just enough, but He provides still. I can lay beside my best friend every night, knowing we'll make it, together. Friendships can be torn away from us, nothing in life is for sure and this roller coaster is crazy fun some days and then others, I find myself wetting his shirt with my tears as we fall asleep hoping that the crazy turns to beautiful soon.


One of my best friends is a songwriter/worship leader out in Jacksonville, Florida. She has taught me so much of what it means to be strong yet to stay gentle, to be resilient but to be willing to admit when she is tired. I have seen them go through so many phases, some amazing, some struggles, and I have found so much respect for the way she handles it all. Some phases I have wondered how she still found the faith to stick it out, but she did, and she does. She is a picture to me of a faithful child. I know that God looks down at her and knows she is true, she is with Him through the thick and thin, and sees the beauty and the strength of character developing in her through these years of unknown, of struggle, of the narrow road she's taken.


So one of those things I'm learning is the fierce loyalty I feel for my husband. For how he is treated, respected, or not. I've heard stories of the Mama bear thing Mom's have for their kids, and I almost think there's something similar for a wife and her husband. I think I'd make him a pretty amazing Publicist. I'm pretty sure I'm his biggest fan, or maybe equal to how his Mom sees him. I can feel my claws coming out like Wolveriness about to defend the man who has won her heart and gone out to battle for her, but just been hit on all sides. Too much. I find myself saying that lately...."it just feels like too much." You know, I think we all expect tough times in life, and we sort of brace ourselves for when it comes. But I think we're in a permanent state of bracing. We're talking serious knots in these shoulders. haha.


In another light, I have seen a side of the man I married I might not have known was there for years. He is strong and graciously handles each situation head-on. He handles conflict so much better than I do, and is genuinely a good man even when put to the test. I picked a good one.

Life has its turns. Sometimes they're gentle turns, sometimes it feels like an old wooden rollercoaster's turns...the ones that give you that whiplash feeling and bang your head into the sides of your head brace meant to protect you. But the turns are all leading us somewhere..


And I feel like a pretty lucky girl to be going somewhere, with my best friend...

So much, so little time..

So much, so little time...and time's flying by us, it seems!!


Its mid-March, and I find that hard to believe! It is so true that the older I get, the faster time seems to fly. It's been the last 2 years now I've been doing makeup independently, and recently have had more time at home and have some fun shoots I've worked on.



Last week I did makeup/hair for some music videos for American Bang, 4 sweet Nashville guys signed to Reprise Records..it was 4 days of shooting different songs, and different locations every day! It was a lot of fun, great music, and I met some amazing, talented girls who worked with me on it.

Amanda Valentine is a stylist/designer who lives here...avalentine.etsy.com

Grace Stevens is a multi talented lady who is originally from London, and now lives here and she was running the show, all the details were going through her or decided by her. Amazing to see women handle authority and responsibility well, and to meet people I'd love to work with again!

American Bang is managed locally by Q Prime management, and everyone I met there was great to work with...

If you love Rock& Roll, make sure to look these guys up, the music was the kind you don't mind hearing over and over and....yea, you get my point, while they're shooting a song for hours.----


This past Thursday I did makeup/hair for a shoot with David Molnar photographing speakers and authors, Joel and Casey Johnson. What a fun day! The weather completely cooperated and the shots are going to be beautiful, I'm sure. They brought along their son, Lincoln, and while they were shooting, I got to hang out with one of the coolest kids I've met. Makeup/babysitting...it was a fun day!


Joel and Casey travel right now with Teen Mania speaking at their ATF events...they've just recently released their first book together, The Divine Matchmaker. They're a beautiful couple and just amazing people and have fast become good friends of ours.


Life on the road starting back up....


We(meaning Superchick) are leaving this Wednesday for tour rehearsal and the first Spring tour date..so that phase of my year is starting back up again! I'm excited and it's always a huge adjustment leaving my hubby and home and living out of a suitcase again, but it's always a good phase too. I always drag my feet going, and then I'm reminded that I love my band and miss them when we're home, and I love what I do and I'm so lucky to still be doing it, 11 years later..




I went red(my hair)this winter. Something I'd always wanted to try, so I did. It was fun, but I felt ready for blonde again, so I've been in the process of lightening again, and I'm almost there! I'm a bit more of a golden blonde than norm but that's better than frying my hair and having none. So, today and tomorrow I'm getting myself used to the idea of packing and leaving and remembering what it's like to live on a bus with 10(or sometimes more)guys..thank God for my sister!! I'll try to keep posting from the road, because there are always good stories to tell.

walking in the dark..

Every have one of those days? I mean, not just kind of one of those days, but full-on one of those days...

I'm not dramatizing little things that really aren't a big deal and just being an emotional girl. For the people closest to me, you know that the last, say year or 2 has consistently been disappointing for me and people I love.

Not to say that there isnt good. There is good. But the good, the people who love me and I love so much, the good moments, the great friends...it's all mixed in with a lot of letdowns, a lot of thinking something is moving in a good direction only to have the door shut, a lot of seeing people I love hurt and disappointed and feeling hopeless.

I'm not writing a woe is me blog. I'm writing what I'm actually feeling and thinking tonight. Tonight, enough little things hit me to just tip it. I'm a tired girl. I'm tired of getting excited when the good, the best case scenario just never quite seems to happen..

Sometimes when you share these kinds of thoughts with people, they can't actually handle it. They start to tell you how it all works out eventually. It will get better. God uses everything for our good. It will make me stronger. There's a reason for it all. They start to wonder if you're seriously depressed, if you should go talk to someone or its seasonal depression or whatever...

You've heard these "comforting words" before, havent you? Isnt it just ever okay to say how you feel, at the risk of sounding a bit hopeless or like a person who's faith might be put to the test at that moment? Well, it is, of course. Only the people who are like family, only the deepest friends, only people who really want to let you talk it out will listen and be okay hearing that kind of thing.

Sometimes I want to write songs about these days. But in songs, generally if its a sad song, you make it happy or hopeful by the end, by the bridge or last verse. But thats not always reality, is it? Some days you go to sleep still searching for answers. Still frustrated with the trite advice you're sometimes given, and still wondering how much you can take with your faith intact.

It doesnt always make sense. Life isn't always fair. God is sometimes distant in the long, dark nights when you so desperately want something to cling onto.

I'm tired of being in the waiting room outside of what I think my dreams are. I'm tired of just making it by. I'm tired of being hopeful to make other people think I'm okay. Tonight, I want to let myself be what I am inside. My heart is tired. I'm ready for God to show Himself in my life, in my family and friend's lives who have been waiting and praying for so long. Here's an honest thought for you. I'm tired of seeing people succeed and feel like I'm always cheering them on and acting happy but I'm actually thinking, why not me? I'm tired of seeing fake people who have really good social skills get ahead. haha. That one makes me laugh out loud. There's brutal honesty for you, and in the industry I'm in, I'm tired of seeing people use God to sound good and look good and who lead completely contradictory lives with the success it appears God gives them.

I'm not giving up. Its just a bad day. I don't always share these days, because its so tempting to put on the facade that I have it all together, that life is never a downer for tricia, to lead people to believe that I never get mad at God and His ways or what He allows me to go through...but I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be transparent with you. And with myself. And maybe that's the start of really healing in areas that feel really sore and bruised and burned.

In the midst of feeling all of this, I have a husband who loves me more than I have ever in my life thought someone could love me...seeing me for exactly who I am, best and worst. I have family and friends who encourage me, who see the best in me, who are my cheerleaders when I'm discouraged...there is good. There is love. Sometimes it feels like a scale, right? And some days one outweighs the other. Which side of your scale is weighing in heavier tonight? And are you willing to be honest with people when it's not the good "christian" answer?

Maybe tonight just being a tree in a story about a forest just isnt feeling like enough.

So, I just took my dogs out for a potty..I walked around the house and there's a spot where, at night, its completely dark and we have these stone steps in the grass to follow around to the backyard...I find myself every time, taking those steps I can't see, but I know that they're there, because I've walked it so many times in the sunlight. Some nights those steps just feel a bit harder to trust. But they're there. And I always find the right place for my next step, and then...there's the light and I can see again. Tonight I stood on the last step knowing that I was hearing from God during a potty walk. haha. Walking blindly might never feel easy. But we'll all make it. And if we step off the path just a bit, we'll still find our way..we might just be more cautious next time around.

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Waiting on a heart

One year ago today, my friend Billy's daughter, Adah, was in the hospital waiting for a heart. In October of 2008, Adah was diagnosed with Idiopathic Restrictive Cardiomyopathy, a rare heart disease that effects one in 1 million children. On February 18, 2009, she received a successful heart transplant.

From the time that Adah was diagnosed til her transplant and even in updates now, I have prayed with them and gotten the updates on CaringBridge.org..I found myself catching my breath at every update in my inbox..sometimes multiple ones a day. For 5 months, they had to watch Adah's health somewhat decline, and then Feb 18th, there was a heart there...and Adah was wheeled into surgery and so many of us waited, praying and hoping for the best.

I just can't even fathom how 2 parents could emotionally handle the road that Billy and Natalie have been on with Adah. I know that it wasn't human strength or peace that they have had. I have seen them turn to God and prayer every step of the way. Adah was 4 years old when she went through all of this. Just a baby. And she was given the chance to grow up to become a teenager, a woman, a wife, a mother, anything she wants to be..

I hadn't really thought about where the heart came from until today. I saw Billy's post and it hit me. Someone else lost their daughter a year ago today, and they allowed her heart to be donated to save Adah's life. Here's a post from Natalie, Adah's mom..


I can't believe it's almost been a year. I remember every detail with distinct clarity. One of my first thoughts after her diagnosis was that this was going to change our lives forever. I think we cling so tightly to what we've always known or how we thought our lives would turn out, that if anything comes our way and threatens that, then an immediate response is to resist. But who are we to resist what the Lord has for us? So it has indeed changed our lives forever, but in the best way that I could have ever imagined.

A year later, I wouldn't trade my place in life for anything. Anything! What an odd thing to say, but I say it with absolute certainty. So with the start of her second year, we are taking the first steps in getting to know our donor family.

It starts with us writing a letter and then it is up to them whether the communication is continued. I am asking the Lord for profound wisdom as I start this letter. I am at a loss in how to express such unending gratitude, so I am completely dependant on the Lord to show me.--

What a beautiful picture of mercy and grace. Of love. Of faith in God when life turns upside down on our plans and hopes and dreams. Of being willing to see past your situation and put yourself in someone else's shoes. It would be so easy for them to move on and not think of this family's loss on a day when they're rejoicing over her life. I have been so encouraged this year of following in this journey with them. When faith is put to the test so many of us get angry with God and throw up our fists...I saw in this family the opposite. I have seen nothing but open, outstretched hands, asking for mercy and wisdom, and thanking the One who has carried them through.



Have I mentioned how adorable and full of life this little lady is?? I have yet to meet her in person, but I have fallen in love with her spirit and her spunk. I am so overjoyed today to see Adah doing so well, and to see the blessings on this family! They are living life to the full, not taking one moment with each other for granted. I wish the same for you and I.

I can't help but think, those of us with a healthy, beating heart in our chest..how many lives can we save and touch and change forever?

Authors of our own stories..

I just finished Donald Miller's new book called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years".

Really amazing book. I loved Blue Like Jazz for different reasons, and mostly for his style of writing and his willingness to be so honest and transparent about himself and his views of life and spirituality.

I love this book so much, I want to re-read it right now. Maybe I will, but first I'm trying to get my hubby convinced that he should read it. He isnt always much of a book reader, so I'm crossing my fingers on this one. haha. I hope that all of you will grab it or check it out or borrow it and let yourselves dive in like I just did. He has a blog and I'm now following that...google him and you'll find it.

"We have to force ourselves to create scenes. We have to get off the couch and turn the television off, we have to blow up the inner-tubes and head to the river. We have to write the poem and deliver it in person. We have to pull the car off the road and hike to the top of the hill. We have to put on our suits, we have to dance at weddings. We have to make altars..."

First, he talks about writing our own stories. He came into this journey in his life when he was cowriting a movie about his own life..and he kept feeling like his story was so boring. So he started throwing himself into things that were uncomfortable and challenging. He realized he had become a writer and he would sit on his couch writing stories, but he wasnt living a story.

He commented on how throughout the Bible when people had come through huge tragedies or trials, they would build an altar to God, and that maybe that wasn't out of reverance or even completely as an act of worship, but it was a way that they would remember the moment. They would look back and know what that altar meant, where they had come from, what they had overcome.

And the stories that he tells that I will remember most are the stories of people he's met who are making decisions every day that are changing peoples lives..they are throwing themselves into their own stories, taking the pains of life and letting themselves become better through them.

I found myself just so inspired reading..because sometimes I can be so practical and life can feel tough and so not an adventure. I can get into the habit of waking up and wondering what will happen good or bad, and assuming it will be just another day. Sometimes I refuse to let myself be interrupted by an amazing sunset, or a friend's call, or a moment that would be treasured and could become an altar if I would stop and let my life accept something I havent planned for.

The truth is we are all living stories, but we do settle for boring, or selfish, or normal. And there is a world of exciting out there we can invite in. Who we surround ourselves with in life starts to shape us. And if one of us decides to start living an unsettling, exciting, dangerous, unselfish life..it will affect someone else, and then they might do something huge and affect hundreds...and without even knowing it, a choice we make has a ripple affect of love, creativity and inspiration in people's lives all over the world.

"Victor Frankl whispered in my ear all the same. He said to me I was a tree in a story about a forest, and that it was arrogant of me to believe any differently. And he told me... the story of the forest is better than the story of the tree."

You won't regret the hours you spend on this book...the stories will seep inside and inspire you to take the opportunity you have and write your own story. Change it up today. Do something no one would expect of you, try something you're afraid of trying. And if life is feeling hopeless and you're at the wanting to give up point, throw all of your efforts remaining into someone else, reach out, love people and soon you'll be too busy to feel awful about your situation, and without realizing it, you'll be changing the path of your story and writing a new chapter..---

New shoot with Aliegh B

Star in the making


This Tuesday I worked on a shoot for my sister in law and new artist, Aliegh B( I think she should call herself Tootsi personally..=)) I did makeup and styling, David Molnar was the man behind the camera, Nick Baumhardt and Trevor McNevan were there for shoot support, set up, ideas, DJing.



Nick and Trev have been developing Aliegh for the last few months, and have written some amazing songs I can't wait to hear on the radio. She loves to sing, loves to dance, loves to perform. We can definitely say that this shoot was so much fun, and Aliegh really needed no coaching. She's a natural in front of the lens.




Here are some shots I took during the shoot. They pale in comparison to what David got, and we'll post more of those later when we've picked her promo shots and all. David is an amazing photographer, who also happens to be a great friend of ours. He has a natural way of bringing out the personality in every person he photographs, and makes sure they have a great time in the process. We're all excited to see where Aliegh's career takes her. Stay tuned for what's next, and know that you'll be hearing quite a bit from this little lady.



Can you tell we had a good time? This setup above is a messy bedroom shot. Looks amazing with the wide lens David shot it with. And below you can see my skills playing with my iphone apps. More to come soon......

Twirling girls and a glimmer of hope

Here I am, back from Uganda. My sister, Melissa and I went with Compassion International for about a week. I have hesitated to write about it, because I'm not sure I have had time for it to all settle in and for my thoughts to make sense to even me. I know that this was a trip that will make me forever changed, that I met people I will never forget.

Seeing what Compassion is doing and how well they do it makes me feel so proud that we partner with them, and changes so much for me now! Nights on tour when we head back to our comfy(possibly crowded)bus, and we talk about merch numbers and ticket sales, and then we get around to how many children were sponsored...when I hear that 7 kids were sponsored, I will know that 7 children's lives will forever be changed. That 7 families will be affected in huge ways by this sponsorship, that 7 families will see God's love in tangible ways through their local projects.

I think there will be multiple blogs for me about this trip, as the memories surface and I sort through how I really feel about so many things I saw..but here is what stood out to me.

In this country, so far from home for me, so different in every imaginable way..I met children who could feel completely hopeless. They go home to mud huts, to not enough food, to dangerous villages, some to a single Mom with AIDS who has no education and is just making it by day after day..but these kids who are in the sponsorship, who are given just a glimpse of hope, grab onto that small flicker and they chase after a different way of life. I met kids who are in the college program now, who are in med school, law school...who have more dreams than they had time to share with me. They believe that they are people of influence, and they know that they can change the world. They still go home to the same bleak situation every night, but every day they go to the projects they are hearing about God's love, about how special and beautiful they are..they get those letters and pictures and stickers their sponsor sends them, and they read it and re-read it, and they keep it locked in the safest place they have because those words are hope. Those words mean to them that there is a God who loves them, enough that He found them where they are and sent help. Sent hope. Sent a chance.




I met this little girl our first visit to a project in Uganda. She loved her pink dress. All day I would see her twirling and hopping and feeling beautiful. And to me, she was a reminder that we are all the same. We are born where we're born, into our own unique families and situations, we have dreams and goals, we have natural talents and things we aren't so good at..and all of us need to hear that we mean something to someone. We want to know we're special, that we can make a difference in the world and be anything we want to be. And every girl in this huge world who I've ever met wants to feel loved and adored and beautiful. We all have a dress that makes us want to twirl. Some of us hold in those things and are afraid to show how beautiful we feel. This little lady felt lovely in her best dress she'd gotten for Christmas. Maybe her only dress. And she spinned and twirled and danced her way into my heart. With so little we can make a difference in a life. With a little money, with a little time, we can give hope to someone who's situation is feeling bleak.

If you're interested in knowing more about Compassion, go to www.Compassion.com