My album, "The Road" comes out in 12 days, not like I'm counting down or anything. I've shared some of the stories behind this album with you guys, but I thought it was time for another.
I've been doing interviews for the album, and in the process of answering questions, I have actually found some of the answers. When a year or more of your life is immersed in a project, when it has become so close, so personal, its hard to see the songs, the album as a whole, from any other angle but your own. Then you get to talk to people who have maybe heard a few songs, maybe clips of the whole album at the most, and you hear their perception, their favorite song, and its a really refreshing process.
One of the questions I always get is, am I quitting Superchick? My answer to that is this. I am most definitely not leaving SC. To be a solo artist, to keep creating even on my own was always my plan. I love rock more than I ever even thought I would. But there are other sides to me as an artist, and now I get to express those. I decided to do a worship album first because I knew it was where I was being called. I have always wanted to write and record a worship album, and it felt like this was the time in my life when not only did I feel that door open for me, but I think that my soul was reaching for this too.
I've talked a bit about struggling through the last few years. I've shared some of those struggles openly, because I think we all need each other. To know we are not alone. To know that our fears, our doubts, our hurts are not just our own. So when Nick and I started writing, it was with heavy hearts. It was kind of with a heart of obedience to what I know I am called to. To worship God, to come into His presence, to seek to know Him more. That means when I feel He is showering His blessing on me, and also when I feel lost in the wilderness and I cannot see Him in anything around me. To believe and say that I believe God is Who He says He is no matter what my circumstances look like is not always easy, but a choice we have to make. And we are never the same. Our faith has been tested and made deeper through the fires of life's struggles. It is by His grace that we are given life, that each morning we wake up with breath to breathe, with a purpose to live and with mercies that are new every morning.
This winter, when the album was almost done, was when my words were put to the test. I had been writing, talking about believing God will rescue, He will go before me, He will stand beside me in battle, He will come behind me and heal whats been broken in me. Saying, I will sing when there is no song left in me. And then I experienced the deepest wound I have ever known. Nick and I found out in January that we had lost our first baby. I thought I was 9 weeks along, but the baby had only made it to 5 weeks. So here I was, recording vocals for this album in our house and I found myself feeling like maybe this was the one that would keep me down. I have never felt so ready to give up and say, I am just done. To ask God, how can this possibly seem fair after everything we've been through? I looked around me and felt like all that was left of this dream was an empty baby bed and no energy to even hope for what could be.
This was one of the darkest times I have been through. Some days I would just tell Nick, I just can't sing today. It isnt true, I don't mean the words, and I have to mean it. But slowly, through these songs that had been written months before and some by other writers, I found a God who maybe didnt answer every question, but who was seeking me out. I saw Him in every little place where I felt like He'd been distant. I felt Him seek me out in that wilderness that felt so huge I thought I might be lost there forever. And in His ways, in His timing still, He is taking me through the places of healing my heart needs.
He has made this album so much more than I ever could have dreamed it to be. It is a part of my heart that I am sharing. And I knew that to not share my story with you would make it incomplete. I know there are broken places in each one of us. My prayer is that we all find our souls renewed, we see Him restore all that has been lost and we find rest in the joy of all He is.
I am so honored that you have been a part of this road that I have been walking..
Much love- Trish